Fade To Black: What The “Becoming Me” Process Looks Like


A boho blue mood

I was being me…

We continue a discussion  about the internal personal answer to the question, “so what have you been doing while you are not drawing a paycheck all this time” or something similar to that disrespectful question. My answer is, “I was being me, of course”. Now, what exactly does that mean and what does it have to do with finding work? Let us continue picking apart the puzzle of  how being out of work more than six months might change a job seeker’s perspective and exactly how getting to the place of  “being me” looks like as it happens.

The State of No Memory

All along I have described the emotional and spiritual part of the  job search process as a “shape shift” referring to an occurring found in ancient stories among shamans and dream workers.  My take on it is that in the process there is a place where the shape  shifter becomes unconscious; she “blacks out” similar to the “transporter effect” when people deconstruct on the transporter pad and reconstruct in another place in the old Star Trek series. Between one solid state and the next the traveler is so widely scattered in space (spaced-out!) that no memory exists. In the black out stage of the shape shift, stage three,  the seeker yields herself up to the process and fades to black (term taken from the theater) where the state of “no-memory” takes over like the primeval Chaos. Some job seekers might feel like they “loose track of time” or to seemingly wander aimlessly in an emotionally flooded, fog-brained condition.

In this state, as in the cold ground beneath the snow, the winter-work of nurturing the seed of a new being happens in darkness and silence.  What reassembles on the other side of this process  is an entirely new person. The seeker emerges in the correct time  from this “dream womb” place with a strong desire to align the new “inner resume” (the story about working constructed and accepted by the self) with the outer resume (the piece of paper usually presented in a job search). I give you that it is only after emergence from this state that it is truly possible to conduct a thoughtful, strong career/job search.